This little Squall/Zell ficlet was the first fic I ever completed, back in 2002; I’d attempted a multichapter Pokémon fic before I wrote this, but I’d never finished a fic before. I was thirteen years old. It is extremely bad. Please forgive me.
If you'd like to see this fic alongside my thoughts on it as an adult, take a look at the annotated version from 2024.
Wake Up, which I wrote over two decades later, is loosely based on this. I thought it would be interesting to see how different this fic would have been if I'd written it as an adult.
Zell hovered uncertainly at the entrance to the room, before taking some hesitant steps forward. Moonlight slanted through the window and hit the bed, bathing its occupant in its mysterious glow. A couple more steps, and Zell was standing next to him.
Squall slept in the bed, still dressed in his day clothes. Strands of his mid-brown hair lay over his slightly frowning face, his hands up near his head, holding an invisible gunblade. Zell gazed at this person, who had saved his life too many times to count, who had always been by with a Phoenix Down when Zell was defeated.
Could it be possible that he felt the same way?
“Squall?” The sleeping figure didn’t respond. “Squall, I...”
Zell faltered, the words dying on his lips. He shook his head slowly, and began again.
”Squall, I just wanted to say...” He closed his eyes, gathered his resolve. “...I need you. I need you, Squall, I need you so much. I can’t live without you. Squall, I...” He was trembling uncontrollably now - he had never been good at controlling his emotions. “Squall, I... I love you.”
{But he’ll never need me. He’s got Rinoa.}
The thought was too painful to bear. Tears welling up in his eyes, Zell brushed the strands of hair from Squall’s face and kissed his forehead lightly, feeling a surge of happiness on contact. He turned to leave.
As he walked towards the door, a sudden wave of fatigue and exhaustion threatened to overwhelm him. He collapsed at the foot of the bed and lapsed into unconsciousness.
Squall woke in the night feeling tired, but oddly happy. He had been having a beautiful dream, but he couldn’t remember what it was. As he stretched his arms out behind him, his hand brushed his cheek. It came away wet. That was odd. Had he been crying in his sleep?
It was still dark. Squall tried to get up to check on the time, but found his progress hampered by the fact that his foot seemed to be stuck. He sat up to check what the obstruction was.
Zell lay curled up at the foot of his bed, clasping Squall’s ankle tightly in both hands. Squall stared for a few seconds, then reached down to prise his foot out of Zell’s grasp. He swung himself off the bed and knelt next to the young blond boy. Zell couldn’t stay here on the floor, that was certain. On the other hand, Squall was loath to wake him up - he looked so peaceful asleep. Almost... well, he would have to be carried.
Putting one foot on the bed to steady himself, Squall reached down and hoisted Zell up into his arms. He was difficult to keep hold of - he kept turning and jerking. Suddenly, the sleeping boy flung his arms around Squall’s body. He stumbled and almost dropped him, adjusting his grip to keep his balance. He considered loosening Zell’s arms, but then found that being locked in his tight embrace was not at all unpleasant. Not bad at all, actually.
He carried the now still boy to the door of the bedroom, and then had second thoughts. He didn’t really want to take Zell back to his room. But why not? He pushed the first thing that occurred to him to the back of his mind, and decided that it must be because Zell’s room was too far away. But he knew it wasn’t true. The room was just three doors down the hallway, and he could easily have taken him there.
”Well, it is only for one night...” Squall reasoned, as he carried Zell back to the bed. He managed to prise Zell’s arms away in order to put him in the bed, and climbed in next to him. After a couple of minutes thinking he realised Zell was shivering and drew him closer, letting his own body temperature keep him warm. Lying there with his arm round Zell’s body, feeling his breath on his neck, the details of Squall’s dream came rushing back to him.
”Zell,” he whispered, as he slipped into unconsciousness. “I think I love you, too.”