These are the notes I took during a replay of Final Fantasy VIII between 2008 and 2012. I originally posted these to my blog. In some cases, I may have expanded on these thoughts elsewhere on this website, so it's possible some sections will sound familiar.
Any annotations from the present day (2024) are in [square brackets].
24 November 2008
Picked up Final Fantasy VIII for the first time in a while a couple of days ago, and oh man I had forgotten how much I loved Laguna. 'CHILL, GUYS, ALL THE COOL PEOPLE PARK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.' Oh, Laguna, you are hopeless.
(I had also forgotten how ridiculously overcomplicated the stat system was. IT'S ALL RIGHT, FINAL FANTASY VIII; I LOVE YOU DESPITE YOUR MANY FLAWS.)
27 November 2008
More Final Fantasy VIII! I don't even know how many times I've played through it - five? six? - but this was the first time I realised that what you see on the Timber screen before the presidential broadcast starts is a message.
BRING ME BACK THERE
I AM ALIVE HERE
I WILL NEVER LET YOU FORGET ABOUT ME
afsjghsahfagsh ADEL YOU ARE SO FREAKING CREEPY.
Also, I love that the random nameless Galbadian soldiers have personalities. They may be your enemies, but the one on the train just wants to propose to his girlfriend. Awww.
28 November 2008
Irvine: So like... if you knew that your enemies were pure evil, you'd get more fired up to fight them, right?
Squall: An enemy that is pure evil?
Right and wrong are not what separate us and our enemies. It's our different standpoints, our perspectives that separate us.
I first played Final Fantasy VIII about seven years ago, and that quote has always stayed with me.
Also, something that struck me this playthrough:
If I were to face the sorceress directly...
Would I have to go through Seifer?
...That's the way it goes as a SeeD. You can't choose your enemies...
I don't know; I just like the fact that Seifer and Squall have always been rivals, they spend much of the game fighting on different sides, but they've never disliked each other. [I expand on my thoughts about Squall and Seifer's relationship on this page.]
I also love Zell's 'That... bastard...' after Quistis tells the party that Seifer has been executed. Because Zell did dislike Seifer, but he's still really freaking pissed off with him for going and getting himself killed.
I love this game so much, seriously. The whole junctioning system is terrible, and I don't care at all. I adore all the main characters; they are all flawed and immature in their own ways, and I love them to bits.
...I find it really weird that Squall is three years younger than me. He was four years older the first time I met him! What happened?
On the subject of names: I have named Diablos 'Azazel'. Sacred and Minotaur are 'SamnDean'. The parallels are not exact, because you know Dean would be the one to speak in capslock, but they've got the 'gigantic little brother' thing right. [These names are references to the TV show Supernatural.]
Shiva and Ifrit are Skreeal and Kyrail, because Shiva and Ifrit are always Skreeal and Kyrail. I made the names up on the spot in my first playthrough; I have no idea where they came from, but now I cannot call them anything else. Final Fantasy games in which I cannot rename the summons really tick me off. KYRAIL. NOT IFRIT. KYRAIL.
Also, on my first playthrough, Squall was TAI (yes, all in capitals. That was a mistake. All the other characters seemed to be shouting at him) and Rinoa was Lessa, but those didn't quite stick. Although I think 'Tai' works rather well for Squall. [Tai and Lessa were both dragonriders from the Dragonriders of Pern novels by Anne McCaffrey.]
1 September 2009
I wish I could get back to replaying Final Fantasy VIII, but the second disc has decided that it wants to freeze whenever anyone, friend or foe, casts magic or Draws, and sometimes just for the sake of it. This is most distressing. I don't think it's my favourite Final Fantasy – that honour probably belongs to X – but it was my first, and I love all of the characters, and it holds such a place in my heart.
[Eventually, on 17 December 2016, I confessed that Final Fantasy VIII was indeed my favourite Final Fantasy game:
I've always said that, although VIII means a lot to me, it isn't my favourite game in the series. But I'm not fooling anyone, am I? It's my favourite. Obviously it's my favourite. It's flawed in many, many respects, but I think it'll always be the Final Fantasy I love the most.]
3 September 2009
Rinoa can imagine Squall taking someone to fight monsters in the training centre on the first date! Hee! He would. And he explains that you need to be quick if you want hotdogs absolutely seriously!
Also, I said 'no, just showing her around' when Dr Kadowaki asked whether Rinoa was my girlfriend, because it was true and I thought it unlikely for Squall to say otherwise, but then I became curious and looked up a script to find out what would have happened had I said 'yes'. I am now regretting not having said it, because the exchange would apparently have been as follows:
Dr Kadowaki: Hi there, Squall! Oh, my... it's not everyday I see you walk around with a girl! Is she your girlfriend?
Squall: Yes.
Rinoa: Are you serious?! Squall?! I'm gonna take it seriously.
Squall: I'm serious.
Rinoa: Woo. I'm speechless.
Squall: I'm seriously joking.
Heeee!
The script also taught me that, if you choose to send someone else up the dangerous-looking ladder on the MD level of Garden, Squall will think about the people he's with and then decide to go up himself instead. Bless you, Squall. I mean, yes, it's terribly railroading, but it is also adorable.
Squall is still my favourite protagonist of the main-series Final Fantasy games, without a doubt. He has plenty of problems, obviously, but I identify so much with him and I love hearing his thoughts. I love living inside his mind during the game. I love poor, confused, socially-inept, overly-serious, unable-to-let-himself-rely-on-others, afraid-of-being-relied-upon-in-case-he-fails Squall.
5 September 2009
THERE IS A ZOMBIE DRAW POINT IN THE TRABIA GRAVEYARD.
HORRIFYING.
Also, Squall thinks (I didn't turn out okay at all) when he's flashing back to little-kid Squall saying 'I'll be okay without you, Sis,' and I just want to hug him. He would probably just stand there awkwardly and give me a strange look, but I want to hug him anyway.
Really, it's amazing that Squall ever manages to improve his behaviour at all, with the way everyone says 'GASP, SQUALL, THAT'S NOT LIKE YOU' whenever he tries to say something comforting. I can feel Squall's frustration whenever he makes an effort and everyone says 'MY GOODNESS, SQUALL IS ACTING AS IF HE CARES ABOUT SOMETHING, THE WORLD MUST BE ENDING.'
I love all the characters! I do! But making a huge deal out of it whenever Squall takes a tiny step in the right direction isn't going to help him, guys. When Squall is teased, he closes himself off. You should know this. Take this scene:
Squall: (Man, she's really down.) Come on. I'm sure you can still do something.
Selphie: Squall... being sensitive? That's weird. You're the last person I expected to cheer me up. I must really look depressed.
Squall: (What's so weird? I care just like everybody else. It's just that there are too many things that can't be helped. So why bother talking about everything?)
Selphie: Uh-oh! There you go again into your own little world. And you're not gonna share anything, huh?
Squall: ...Yeah, whatever... (Why is she teasing me? I was just trying to help.)
I know Selphie's just poking fun, as she is when she responds to Squall saying she's been a great help with a laugh and a 'That's not like Squall at all!', but what she's saying is that being closed-off and self-absorbed is 'Squall' and caring about others is 'not-Squall'. The implication - not intended by her, but there to be inferred by Squall - is that Squall is always going to be Squall and therefore incapable of openness or caring, so why make the effort?
Possibly I am becoming a little too worked up over a group of fictional characters' treatment of another fictional character, but I've fought with social-interaction problems myself, and I can tell you that 'good Lord, you're actually speaking to someone?' is rarely a helpful comment.
I swear it cannot be healthy to identify this much with Squall Leonhart.
[I might end up making a page on this website about the tendency of Squall's friends to make fun of him when he reaches out. They don't intend to hurt him, of course, but I think it's something that really adds to his struggle to interact with people.]
3 July 2012
I seem to have fallen very suddenly and sharply back in love with Final Fantasy VIII. The plot may be completely incoherent, the love story may be awkwardly told, but oh, that cast. Particularly Squall, who I think may actually be my favourite Final Fantasy character of all. Probably one of my top ten fictional characters of all time, in fact.
I think Squall was the first character I really fell for. Before, I'd fallen in love with concepts and worlds: I loved Pokémon and Animorphs and Harry Potter, but I didn't really love any of them for their characters. And then along came Squall Leonhart, the first character with whom my thirteen-year-old self really identified and empathised, and I discovered that the best thing about fiction could be the characters populating it. Rather an appropriate lesson to take from a game in which the main character slowly learns to care about the people around him. [I talk more about my childhood empathy for Squall on this page.]
I blew the dust off my PS2 today and started up my most recent VIII save, which I'd left off... probably about three years ago, actually. It was just before the clash between Balamb and Galbadia Gardens. I felt bizarrely proud as I watched Squall running around, giving instructions, keeping the situation under control, and as I saw the respect that his fellow students obviously had for him. And then Dr Kadowaki told him, 'You probably don't know, but everyone in Garden looks up to you. They like you', which... really hit home, for some reason. I've always had a hard time believing people like me.
That and Squall's later (Everyone is trying to get us together. It's so obvious even I can tell) - he's both completely oblivious in the field of human interaction and uncomfortably aware that he's oblivious - made me realise Squall is still the single fictional character I most identify with, although I'm considerably more socially competent than I was when I first encountered him. I'm very glad he was created, because otherwise the title of 'single fictional character with whom I most identify' would probably be held by Mark Corrigan of Peep Show. Nobody wants that.
Possibly because of said massive overidentification with Squall, Irvine managed to tick me off. Galbadia Garden is attacking from all sides! Soldiers are coming through the windows of the room in which the junior classmen are hiding! It's an overwhelming situation, and Zell tells Squall that Rinoa is in trouble, and Squall points out that she's not the only one, which is true - he's going to have to make a decision here - and Irvine calls him heartless. GOSH, IRVINE, SORRY SQUALL CAN'T SPLIT HIMSELF IN TWO AND SAVE RINOA AND THE CHILDREN SIMULTANEOUSLY. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BASICALLY JUST LEFT HER DANGLING THERE SO YOU COULD GO TO SQUALL AND SAY 'ONLY YOU CAN SAVE HER SQUALL!!' AS PART OF SOME BIZARRE MATCHMAKING SCHEME.
This is probably just lingering resentment from when I was thirteen. The first time I played the game, I took against Irvine for no particular reason. I think it was just because I'd become attached to all the characters already and he was the last to join the party by some way. Who is this new guy trying to muscle in on my perfect party? I thought indignantly. Although what I actually thought was Who is this new girl trying to muscle in on my perfect party?, because it took me some time after Irvine's first appearance to realise he wasn't a woman. (Wouldn't that be a great design for a female character, though?) His exaggerated confidence and womanising also didn't sit well with me at first. We're friends now, but he still annoys me at times. Like when he calls Squall heartless for not immediately going 'SCREW THE KIDS, THEY CAN DIE' when presented with a difficult decision.
All that said, I suppose I can't really expect Irvine to be rational and compassionate when his friend is in danger, so perhaps I'm being just as unfair to him as he was being to Squall. Sorry, Irvine. I'm just hurt that you called me heartless by proxy.
Of course, Rinoa has the most incredible upper body strength, so there was no need to worry. Perhaps that's why Rinoa's natural Strength stat is higher by far than everyone else's: it's to explain how she managed to cling onto the side of Garden whilst Squall saved the junior classmen, gave a rousing speech and had a fistfight whilst dangling from a jetpack.
This game is ridiculous. I love it.
11 July 2012
I've bought a digital copy of Final Fantasy VIII for PS3, as I think my physical copy is, sadly, on its last legs; when your discs take over an hour to stutter through a ninety-second FMV, you know it's time for a replacement.
Speaking of Final Fantasy VIII: I'd misremembered the scene on the bridge to Esthar. In my memory, Squall set the unconscious Rinoa down and confessed that he loved her. In reality, Squall sets the unconscious Rinoa down and opens up to her about his insecurities. I prefer the true scene, which is subtler than I remember and rather sweet. Perhaps it was just that the bridge to Esthar was where I finally clocked that there was supposed to be a romantic plotline between these two. (I acquired VIII by a fortunate accident - I picked up a VII box knowing nothing about Final Fantasy; the confused shop assistant mistakenly put a copy of VIII in it instead - so I didn't have the 'Squall and Rinoa embracing' logo on the disc case to tip me off.)
Considering that the romantic plotline is the main focus of VIII, it does seem to develop quite abruptly. Rinoa displays interest in Squall from the beginning, but Squall's feelings about her seem much the same as his feelings about Zell or Quistis: he comes to care about her a lot, but there's no particular romantic draw. This state of affairs continues right up until the end of Disc Two. And then she's unconscious, and he's suddenly in love with her.
Contrast the end of Disc Two, when Rinoa is in peril and Squall is upset but realises he can't run to rescue her immediately because everyone is in danger, with the beginning of Disc Three, when Squall will do literally anything to save her. (Squall's love is rather a melodramatic thing. 'You'd better not do anything to hurt her,' he says threateningly and inexplicably to a medic.)
Squall's spent so much time building up his defences, trying to keep people out, because if he starts to care about someone he'll inevitably lose them and he can't go through that. And I suppose, prior to Rinoa's coma, he's able to cling onto some deniability. He can tell himself that he doesn't really need these people in his life; they're just working together out of necessity. As long as nothing presses too hard on that illusion, he can maintain it.
And then he loses Rinoa, and suddenly he can't pretend any more. He was trying to protect himself from the pain of losing someone, and now he knows that his efforts were a failure, because it's time for the practical losing-someone test and it hurts.
So does Squall conclude that he's in love with Rinoa because he feels the loss of her so keenly? He'd have taken the loss of any member of the party pretty hard, I feel. Would he have reached the same conclusion had Quistis or Zell been the one afflicted?
I do think Rinoa is quite good for Squall, though. I wouldn't say I ship them, exactly, but I think their relationship is a generally positive thing for the parties involved. I feel it's perhaps a more constructive force when it's purely friendly, because when romance is introduced, as I've mentioned, Squall gets a bit irrational and melodramatic ('even if you'll become the world's enemy, I'll be your knight' is a particularly worrying line), but with her help I imagine he'll grow out of that.
I also like that, when Rinoa agrees to be sealed for the good of the world, Squall doesn't immediately go 'NO YOU CAN'T GO'; he goes 'well, I hate this, but it's her decision'. Of course the rest of the party then go 'oh my God, Squall, you're an idiot, let's go and break her out of there', but I do really like that he respects Rinoa's right to make her own decisions, even if they're not what he wants.
Well, that was quite a lot of Squall/Rinoa rambling! I'm not quite sure what point I was trying to make up there. 'Squall/Rinoa is clumsily done! But a good thing! But I don't ship it! But I'm still going to write an entire entry about it!', apparently.
On a final note, there is a scene just after Squall and Rinoa land on the Ragnarok that amuses me immensely:
(Rinoa holds out her arms.)
Squall: (Now what?)
Rinoa: The space suit was in our way before.
Squall: (Huh?)
Rinoa: Give me a hug.
Squall: (...?)
I just love that, even when she outright requests a hug, Squall is standing there thinking I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE WANTS. Oh, Squall.
[You can find more of my thoughts on Squall and Rinoa's relationship on this page.]
And that's the end of my notes from my 2008–2012 playthrough of Final Fantasy VIII! You can also read my notes from my 2013 playthrough or my 2021 playthrough if you're interested.